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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24940867">i wanna be alone (alone with you)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhyDontWeBegin/pseuds/WhyDontWeBegin'>WhyDontWeBegin</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Born of Light, Bathed in Shadow [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Final Fantasy XIV</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Comfort, Crying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Falling In Love, Feelings, Hugs, Hurt, Hurt/Comfort, I Made Myself Cry, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Insecurity, Viera Warrior of Light (Final Fantasy XIV), Warm and Fuzzy Feelings, Wholesome, no beta we just die, x'rhun just wants her to feel better</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 07:40:45</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,296</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24940867</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhyDontWeBegin/pseuds/WhyDontWeBegin</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>A dark night finds Emlyn hurting, and X'rhun has decided she has hurt enough.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>X'rhun Tia/Warrior of Light</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Born of Light, Bathed in Shadow [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1576069</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>13</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I kinda projected my own feelings onto Emlyn with this one, really. I had a rough bout of feelings, so I wrote this to make myself feel better. it's set early in their relationship, and Emlyn's got a lot of problems to figure out. luckily, she's got x'rhun willing to help her<br/>I literally wrote and posted this whole thing in approximately an hour</p><p>title is from hostage by Billie Eilish</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Emlyn?”<br/><br/>Emlyn panicked. Trembled. Kept her back to X’rhun. She heard him enter the room, heard him close the door as the light entering vanished.</p><p> </p><p>Hot tears still rolled down her cheeks, silent as the woman who shed them. Her heart weighed heavy in her chest.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>I’m not worth it. I’ll just bother him. He’d be fine even if I vanished one day. He doesn’t need me.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Thoughts that had echoed in her mind every time she’d considered seeking out the comfort of his voice, of his presence.</p><p> </p><p>“…Emlyn? Are you alright?”</p><p> </p><p>And his voice was so soft. She could hear his worry. His concern. Every fiber of her being screamed that she wasn’t worthy of it.</p><p> </p><p>As X’rhun reached out to her she turned and his heart damn near stopped, seeing the tears on her face. “Why?”</p><p> </p><p>The question sent him into a spiral of confusion, nevermind how <em>small</em> she had sounded. He made to step closer and Emlyn made to push him away and X’rhun grabbed her wrists, knelt down on the floor in front of her. “Emlyn, what’s wrong?”</p><p> </p><p>“Why? Why are you—“ And when her voice broke, so did his heart. “Why are you <em>here?</em> You shouldn’t <em>be </em>here, you should be somewhere else. Somewhere without <em>me</em> in it. I’m not worth this, you deserve <em>better</em> than me, I—“</p><p> </p><p>X’rhun cut her off there, shushing her. His ears pressed flat under his hat, and he wasn’t sure if he wanted her to know or not, lest he risk her taking it the wrong way. “Emlyn, what brought this on?”<br/><br/>“I—“<br/><br/>She barely got it out before a choked sob escaped her throat and X’rhun stood, moving to her side and gathering her in his arms. She pushed against him, but when his arms did not budge it transitioned to her weakly beating a fist against his chest. “Why,” she asked again. “Why? Why, X’rhun? I’m just a bother, I don’t deserve you or the Scions or Arya or your trust, your <em>affection</em>. Why do you insist on- on giving it to <em>me</em>? There are so many more people worth more. Who deserve it.”</p><p> </p><p>His hold only tightened and Emlyn found herself closer still, pressed to his chest where he tucked her head under his chin. His tail wound around her waist and she <em>desperately</em> wanted to melt against him, into his warmth. But still, that feeling that she was unworthy, unwanted, <em>unneeded</em> lingered. “Oh, Emlyn…”</p><p> </p><p>She closed her eyes. Braced herself for rejection. For the inevitable <em>hurt</em>, because she’d dared to <em>hope</em>. She’d dared to think herself worthy of this man’s affections.</p><p> </p><p>Her eyes flew open when he nuzzled the top of her head and practically wrapped himself around her, pressing a kiss to the top of her head, right between her ears. “I wouldn’t dare dream of it. I am here to stay,” he murmured. “You deserve everything I have and more. Do you know what I see, when I look at you?”</p><p> </p><p>There was a long moment where he just held her, waiting for an answer, before she shook her head. His hands vanished for a moment and there was an undeniable spike of <em>fear,</em> immediately followed by <em>guilt</em> at being so damned selfish. But then his hands were back, and one was carding through her hair, and she realized he’d been taking off his gloves. “I see a woman who has lost far more than she deserved. Who has given and never gotten anything in return. Who is afraid to voice her suffering because so many others have hurt her, have rejected her and dismissed her pain,” he whispered. It hurt to hear for so many reasons.</p><p> </p><p>“I would not be like them,” he said after a pause, and her eyes snapped open. “I would cherish you as you deserve, Emlyn. Give you the comfort others have denied you. You are just as mortal as the rest of us, just as allowed to hurt and desire comfort and shelter when your own mind turns against you. You may believe yourself unworthy but it is that very thought that drives me to do this.”</p><p> </p><p>Fresh tears welled up. Emlyn bit her lip.</p><p> </p><p>“I am not going to leave you, Emlyn. I promise. Should you wish to cry in the dark, I will be here with you.”</p><p> </p><p>Her arms wrapped around him unbidden and a hiccuping sob tore from her lips as Emlyn buried her face against his coat. The smells of the desert and smoke and spice, the smell of <em>home</em>, and she cried harder.</p><p> </p><p>X’rhun held her, ran his fingers through her hair. He did not shush her. He pressed kisses to the top of her head. Made himself her shelter, one she had lacked for too long.</p><p> </p><p>And when her sobs began to calm, he still held her. There was a long moment of silence before she pushed away, and this time, he let her go. Emlyn avoided eye contact but X’rhun’s hands found her cheeks, and when she saw his face fresh tears burned at her eyes when she thought she had none left to give. (He was gentle. So, so gentle. He handled her as glass that would shatter should he apply too much pressure.) His thumbs wiped away her tears and when his hands left her, she missed the contact desperately already.</p><p> </p><p>He took off his hat and left it on the table by the bed. Took off his coat and wrapped it ‘round her shoulders. Leaned forward and pressed a gentle kiss to her cheek. “I’ll be right back. I’m not going to leave you, Emlyn.”<br/><br/>And when he left the room, left her in quiet darkness, she closed her eyes and tugged his coat tight around her. Taller though she was, X’rhun was still broader in frame, and his warmth lingered. His scent. (<em>Home.</em>)</p><p> </p><p>He came back with water, sat down behind her and pulled her back against him and this time, <em>this time</em> she let herself melt into his touch. He pressed a kiss to her hairline and offered her the water and she took it with two shaking hands. X’rhun held her while she sipped at it, and Emlyn tucked her legs under herself and leaned into his side.</p><p> </p><p>Tears burned at her eyes again and he wiped them away as they fell. “I’ll be here as long as you need,” he assured. “As long as you want. It is far past time someone gave you the chance to be weak.”<br/><br/>X’rhun took the glass and set it aside and let her bury her face in his shirt. Emlyn took a deep breath, and another. The desert and smoke and spice.</p><p> </p><p>And when he pulled her to lay down on the bed, she was all too happy to use it as a chance to press closer still, and X’rhun all too happy to let her.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Emlyn spends a quiet day treating X’rhun the way he deserves.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>so this happened. i just wanted to expand on it and give X’rhun the love and affection he deserves...</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">When X’rhun woke the next morning, he was alone. It sent a pang of longing, of loneliness through him.</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">(He wanted her. He wanted to stay at her side. To protect her, though he knew he could not. His ability did not change his desire.)</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He brought up an arm to cover his eyes and sighed. There was a long moment where he lay there in silence, the sunlight filtering into the room through the windows and the distant sound of people on the street faintly reaching his ears.</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He was nearly startled when the door opened, shifting and propping himself up on his elbows to look.</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Emlyn. Emlyn, dressed far more casually than he was accustomed to, looking up at him and smiling. “You’re awake.”</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">And her voice was so, so soft. If one of them did not deserve the other, then it was surely </span>
  <em>
    <span class="s2">he</span>
  </em>
  <span class="s1"> who did not deserve </span>
  <em>
    <span class="s2">her</span>
  </em>
  <span class="s1">.</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">X’rhun blinked and she approached, setting down whatever it was she had brought with her to sit down next to him and lean over, wrapping her arms around his neck and hiding her face against his collarbone, taking a deep breath. His surprise lingered for only a moment before he smiled, and his loneliness faded. </span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">They stayed like that for a moment before she sat up, and X’rhun caught one of her wrists with his hand, shifting all his weight onto his other arm, to kiss her palm. A flush dusted her cheeks, turning dark skin faintly darker.</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“X’rhun...”</span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I thought you left,” he said quietly, and she realized it, then.</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Emlyn pulled X’rhun to her in a hug, ignoring the startled ‘mrrp’ he made, and held him close. A moment later he sagged against her.</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Why would I?”</span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Hhm?”</span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You told me you’d stay as long as I wanted,” she said softly. Almost bashfully, he realized.</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">X’rhun blinked with the realization that she was holding him to it, and then his heart warmed as he returned her embrace. “Of course.” </span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“...X’rhun,” she started, and he gave an inquisitive hum. “...Why did you come here, last night?”</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He paused. His tail curled behind him. He didn’t want to trouble her with it, really. “Please, Rhun.”</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">When she asked him like that, he could not deny her. His ears tilted down and he half-hid his face against her shoulder. “...I was lonely. The first person I thought of was you.”</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Her heart skipped a beat in her chest and her arms tightened a fraction around his form. Emlyn tucked his head under her chin, bringing up a hand to pet his hair. She felt him give a deep exhale, like a weight had been lifted from his shoulders.</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It didn’t take long for purrs to rumble through him after she started petting his ears, and Emlyn smiled. X’rhun didn’t deserve to feel alone. He was a good man, and she wanted to do what she could for him after all he had done for her. She watched his tail curl behind him and smiled, and the next thing Emlyn knew, X’rhun was rubbing the top of his head against her cheek. She sputtered and giggled, and X’rhun could not help the smile that crossed his face. </span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">—</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Neither Emlyn or X’rhun had ever cared overmuch about the opinions of others.</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">This, of course, meant that they didn’t particularly care about the odd (and occasionally dirty) looks they were getting. X’rhun was contentedly settled in Emlyn’s lap, her arms around his waist, right in the middle of the Quicksand. They’d agreed to forgo their typical attire in favor of a day off, dressed simply and appropriately. (Yet still, he’d found himself still in white and red and she in black.)</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She was a steady presence against his back, and X’rhun tilted his head to look at her. She was staring at him, the softest of smiles on her face. </span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He wasn’t sure anyone would recognize her as the Warrior of Light, with that lovestruck expression. His ears wiggled happily atop his head and she smiled with her eyes more than her lips and he didn’t </span>
  <em>
    <span class="s2">care</span>
  </em>
  <span class="s1"> that it was so subtle, it was beautiful anyways. (He loved her, he did.)</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Rhun, you ought to eat,” she murmured, and he damn near preened. She said it soft enough that the words were for his ears only.</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“So should you,” he said softly, and she raised a brow.</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Then feed me.”</span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I think I will.”</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">—</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">X’rhun had always wondered what she would look like if she smiled. </span>
  <em>
    <span class="s2">Really</span>
  </em>
  <span class="s1"> smiled.</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He ran his thumb under her eye, and there was a soft look on her face. A smile, but not the one he wanted to put there. But her hands were on his hips where he straddled her lap, and she seemed content to remain there, leaning back against a tree. </span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">X’rhun could not deny her. He wasn’t sure he ever could, not when she was looking at him like that.</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Emlyn found him beautiful, like this.</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She wanted to kiss him, and so she did. Her chapped lips met his softer ones in a sweet, gentle kiss, and when they parted and she opened her eyes he looked somewhere between dumbstruck and very, very content with where he was. </span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Emlyn knew that if he wanted more, she would not be able to deny him.</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">—</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">X’rhun leaned back against Emlyn with a low groan. She gave a soft huff of amusement, continuing to massage the shampoo into his hair. He was half certain she was doing it less to actually </span>
  <span class="s2">wash</span>
  <span class="s1"> his hair and more to trick him into melting against her. It was most certainly working.</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">And while he was on the right track, her intention was more about pampering him. Cherishing him as he did her. How she wanted to give him all that he deserved.</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">But Emlyn could settle for this. For the contented purr that rumbled through his chest, the way his eyes opened just a fraction to look at her with so much affection she was certain her heart may burst. X’rhun closed his eyes again when she rinsed his hair, but once it was clean he sat up and turned to face her, cupping her cheeks and claiming her lips in a kiss. Emlyn could’ve melted then and there.</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">But she did not, and when they laid down in the bed X’rhun curled against her side and rested his head against her chest, and she wrapped an arm around him. His purrs faded as he fell asleep, but she followed him shortly after.</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">(And when he woke in the middle of the night, gasping and shaking, she held him close and reassured him that it was alright. Ran her fingers through his hair and gently tugged at any tangles until he stopped trembling, and did not let herself fall back asleep until he had.)</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>we have a <a href="https://discord.gg/c8Yee9S">book club</a> &lt;3</p></blockquote></div></div>
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